You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
