He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
