I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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