Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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