This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
