My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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