first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
