So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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