We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm both gender and math confused
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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