Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
honey bunches of taint.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
