u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
