I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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