i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
