Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
