I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
