So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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