My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
nutella sex= disaster
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
