what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you had me at cake vodka
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
