I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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