is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
