i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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