Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
