Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
