That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Green mimosas i think yes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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