Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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