You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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