I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
