happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
