so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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