he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
