Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
