When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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