he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That accounts for only three of the penises
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
