Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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