We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
