Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
