Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
