it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
