The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
