i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dicks are not precious.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
