theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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