woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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