Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
