I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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