you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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