Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
