Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
