Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
