I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Randomize
