wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
