I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
