Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
