that's an acceptable place to lick
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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