Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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