I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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