Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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