He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
