I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
