i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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