Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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